Some mornings are good.
Most mornings are good.
Kymee wakes up cheerful and offers huge smiles, warm hugs, and cooing “I love yous” to
Mommy, Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa. (Brother and Sister are still in bed – so always miss these precious moments.)
Some mornings are bad.
and lets be honest,
some random afternoons, evenings, and nights
are very, very bad.
Thus was this morning.
Kymee woke up screaming – you heard me right – not crying – SCREAMING
She does this randomly. Not quite as often as she used to, but still more often than I’d like. She can be playing, perfectly happy with tummy time – and then be screaming. Or like this morning
she just woke up that way.
Why you may ask?
1) The doctor calls it “Colic” – a label I have learned means nothing except “I have no idea why she cries and doesn’t stop – and your insurance doesn’t pay me enough to find out.”
2) The therapist says, “She hasn’t learned self-soothing skills, she must be taught” – but
they have yet to teach me how to teach her how to stop the screaming once it starts.
3) The cardiologist says, “It is most likely still the drugs in her system she had en-vitro” -this one makes the most sense to me
4) Mommy says, “I don’t care why – just make it stop”
Forget “Self-soothing” I try “Mommy-soothing”
I sing. I cuddle. I rock. I pace.
She glares at me out of the corner of her eye, as if to say, “You’re my Mommy you’re supposed to make it better.”
I offer her “Wubby”
I offer her “Bunny”
I have never believed in inadament attachment objects – I believe babies should be attached to real live people who love them. But all my reading, and talking to other moms with medical need babies – attachment items can help get them through moments when Mommy and Daddy aren’t available – like when you are being wheeled into an operating room, or waking from anesthesia in the recovery room. So – we are trying hard to “make” Kymee attached to her “Wubby” or “Bunny” – her seemingly favorite comfort items.
Back to the story: She continues to scream.
Mommy offers a handful of comfort.
I pray for her as she grabs my fingers in desperation. I pray God will heal her and give her peace. I pray for me too, that God will give me wisdom and patience.
She finally wears herself out, falls into a fitful – hicuppy sleep.
Or better yet
Some episodes are 20 to 30 minutes, some are an hour and a half.
An hour and ten minutes of God teaching me how to love like He does.